Once I was accepted into the Hope program at Allegheny County jail and my internal and emotional walls were being torn down, a spiritual battle within me began. Instead of going into this program with a very direct and matter of fact focus on God and how He could keep me sober and help me get my life right this time, there was a new battle, one that I had never known….. It was almost as if gods of different religions were fighting over the innocence of my soul.
There were times during this class that we would learn about other religions and how those other religions had some things in common with Christianity. Some days when the classes would come to an end, I would go back to the pod and head to the bookshelf. It was there at the bookshelf I began to question and wonder (and wander)….. I wanted to learn more.
I found myself questioning if Christianity was Truth, or did Jews have it right? I mean Jesus was a Jew right? Or did Islam have it right? They acknowledged a lot of the same people as Christians and then some…. Or did Jehovah witnesses have it right? They left all things, including medical stuff like life and death up to God, they didn’t routinely and ritualistically celebrate the way so many other religions do. So this is now where I found myself…. Sober and confused. If I spent my whole life getting “it” wrong and wondering if that’s why all the bad things had happened to me, and why my life ended up the way it did, then what?