It was at this time, that I struggled to know what was truth and what was false indoctrination. But as time went on, I asked many questions of my religious guides. These guides were Christian, but never silenced or shamed or swayed when I had a hard question. Instead, if they didn’t have the answer, they would search for one, and come back in a day or two with a well spoken answer and/or written explanation. I was always allowed to and encouraged to speak openly of my fears and concerns of not getting it “right”. Especially when it came to the religion and the God that would help keep me safe and sober.
It was during this time of great passion, concern, and wonder that I began having more coincidences and dreams than one could ever explain, every day that ALWAYS aligned with something I had read in scripture or discussed at our Hope Program classes. That is how I learned and discerned through prayer what was Truth. Christianity is truth.
This is also how I stumbled upon what these “coincidences” of guidance and life circumstances are called.
“Rhema”- the whispers of God – “the utterance, and a verse, message or portion of Scripture that the Holy Spirit brings to our attention with application to a current situation or need for direction.”
It was after God sent his Spirit to teach me of this word and meaning, rhema, that I “listened” with my soul instead of ears, and obeyed the silent nudges in my heart when I read, or a message was spoken, read, or discussed for me. It was also at that time I learned and realized that even though we can’t physically hear Gods voice, He can and always will send His Spirit so we can hear Him in messages or words from other people or in what we read…. And it is then that we will always know He is with us, speaking to us, and there to guide us.
God had seen my spiritual innocence and vulnerability once I got sober…. I was searching for someone, something, in this dark place of incarceration and loneliness to protect and guide me…..The same fear, innocence and vulnerability that children have when they need a parent’s love, protection, wisdom and guidance… And so He wrapped me in His Spirit and carried me….. and to this day, He continues to.